aSTIGMAtism

original post: july 2005

The ophthalmologist told me i have sever astigmatism I could die.

Nah.

Truth is (nobody would’ve cared, waha), I’ve had it for the longest time and it has remained a salient culprit to my faulty vision. They say it is caused by an irregularity in the frontal curvature of the eye. I knew it. So much about me is abnormal.

Having this condition can really prove to be the bane of your existence. The discomfort of having to wear your specs is just one small bite of the mammoth veggie pie you never really liked. The recurrent nausea and headache are the irreverent accomplices.

Why on earth are we garbling thoughts about astigmatism? I wonder.

Is it because I find it insufferable? Not really. It’s because when the doctor said my astigmatism was extremely high and there’s nothing much we can do about it, I somehow felt defenseless and I guess, nobody likes to be left devoid of any defense—even in the most trivial circumstances. I was staring at the astigmatism transforming into an idiosyncratic stigma.

So, I start to shift gears.

Stigma, whose plural form is stigmata/stigmas, is defined as a mark of reproach or disgrace. Consider the irony—as logic would dictate, stigmata, described as the marks resembling the wounds of the crucified body of Christ, could very well mean “marks of disgrace”. The reminder of the so-called marks of disgrace in turn, very well marks the pinnacle of the greatest story of redemption.

The society we call our home, is also home to vast forms of stigma. Ineffaceable marks are laid on people, which speak so much of what we value as humanity. Some are strangely unfounded but others are unfortunately warranted.

Poverty, corruption, disease, and a bad sense of loyalty are just few of society’s stigmas. Despite all these, I choose to believe that we can still live to experience a redeeming sense of value and self-worth as people. So much like me having to endure the rest of my life wearing these thick bespectacled frames, perhaps it’s better to have nothing more insufferable than that.