pineapple tidbits

The laptop calendar reads 12/29/2008. Almost everybody is on a holiday.

Not me.

After Christmas, our next holiday is on Thursday, the first day of year 2009. I still have to work until the noon of December 31. I’ll be on leave the day after New Year’s. Thing is, instead of working on the introduction of my 30 page report due sometime in February, I gave in to scratching the itch of rambling again. (multitasking with reading references, checking mails, chatting with friends :-p [don’t tell on me ok?] hehe)

The problem with writing for a living is that you can never work on an 8-5 basis. The long weekends are not helping either. I hate to sound like the adults who are too occupied with “matters of consequences” and not simply content themselves to enjoying the holidays. (parang istorbo pa ang holidays para sa mga workaholic, at hindi ako isa sa kanila hehe). The problem with long weekends, not that I do not like long weekends, is the break in momentum. When you write on a deadline, momentum is crucial. Once you get it, you must find a good way to sustain it. I stopped forcing myself to write from the time I started working—from the very beginning, I know that I can only write at my own pace. The important thing is to make it to the deadline, deliver a good quality output on time, if not ahead of sched (naks!).

I hope I can arrange something with my supervisor to let me start work as late as after lunch. He earlier said he wasn’t particular about how I make use of time anyway. I think it will really help my productivity.

*

Let me call this my tidbits entry. I will talk about the random things which clutter my thoughts. Christmas day passed and my friends and I were able to deal with spending Christmas away from our dear families. We managed getting hold of whatever Christmas spirit we could grasp. Cheer us on! We have more days (some have fewer) to count before going home.

**

One thing I noticed this Christmas is how few people sent me their SMS greetings. I called my family of course and greeted them on Christmas eve. I had a long talk with Mama and ate, my lola and cousins. I also called Papa who is also spending Christmas away from everyone at home. I emailed some friends from overseas and greeted others via IM.

Before, people bombarded each other’s phones with forwarded Christmas greetings. I do not know if the significant decline in SMS greetings is due to:

a) economic crisis – people finally realized that a peso saved is a peso earned. Huh? Hehe
b) somehow related to (a) – maybe because I am here. (piso lang rin naman mag text sa globe number ko ah :-p hindi naman ako halatang naghihintay pa rin makatanggap ng SMS mula sa inyo hehehe, makinig naman yun mga kaibigan ko diyan)
c) the friends I know may be too busy – most of them are in med school, hurdling their internships, or preparing for the boards (whoa, matatanda na kami); others have started their own families.
d) May be people just stopped greeting – which is sad.

Whatever the reason for this simple observation, siyempre, we should not miss out on what really matters. Pasko yan eh, it’s not really about YOU. It’s about touching other people’s lives in the most selfless way you can. It is one way we can make Jesus happy, pa-birthday na rin sa Bida diba.

Merry Christmas ulit sa lahat!

At siyempre, happy eating hehe!

postmortem

the night i died, i prayed to the heavens to keep me safe. that whatever happens, i remain grateful for the life given me. i asked the Higher Being to take away all the sad memories and let the happy ones remain. i prayed for my life to end. that the moment i shut my eyes, it would be the last...

the night i died, i felt alone. i felt un-needed, unappreciated, unloved. it was a feeling of emptiness. i felt lost. i felt bad because i know i shouldn't. there is something greater that should be the fountain of "'wanting" to stay alive.

it was the night i learned to let go of everything that held me down, the night to set myself free from whatever pain and hurt which have been frequent visitors in my head. yes, i think it is all in my head. my damn head.

it was a night of realizations. i thought about all the things my short life has taught me. i learned how to appreciate and be thankful for the life given me. and yet there is the nagging feeling of inexplicable emptiness.

i tried to rid myself of all these. i summoned all happy thoughts, but i seemed to have ran out of them. i mustered every drop of courage to be strong and hopeful, to simply embrace life and turn away from the thoughts of imminent death.

i thought about how important it is to let the people you care about know how much you do care for them, before it is too late. let them feel it while they can still be happy about it, don't just say it. (but then there will always be those who couldn't) more importantly, in doing so, i learned the value of never making the mistake of wanting to have anything in return for any tiny speck of love you share with others--because a person who truly loves should be satisfied by the very act of loving. once you think about wanting to be loved in return, or hope for any form of appreciation, acknowledgment or gratitude, you will only hurt yourself. but i guess that is one of the measures of loving, loving even if it hurts.i think it takes alot of strength for anyone to do that without hurting too much.

but then, as i slowly found my way through the web of emotions that have consumed me for the past years, i realized that i could always turn things around. i can always choose to be happy. i can learn to be happy and live with the pain. yes, i can choose to be happy...

just when i thought i had myself convinced to turn things around, it was too late...

i tried to bring myself together and wake up but it was too late...

clinically dead for 16 hours (camerawalls)

I was clinically dead for sixteen hours
Show me all the things my heart desires
Let this be the longest happy dream of my life
Clinically dead for sixteen hours
Crossing all the roads where lines began
Break my hourglass and let the sands move in time
No tunnel, no light
No dead love ones
Maybe I need to teach someone
That we won't realize what we have 'til we lose them...

What happens when you settle for something else…

When you give it time, any craving shall wear off, as most of our cravings are just cravings; we are actually not hungry—we just want to satisfy our palates with a taste of the food we are craving for. Yesterday, I had a lusty craving for instant pancit canton. As in all other cravings, I tried breaching it; I told myself I was having dinner at home in a couple of hours anyway.

Between the craving and me, I like to think I was the one who cracked my craving and not the other way around. While I did not eat pancit canton at the very instance I wanted to eat it, I got 3 cups of one of those just-add-hot-water cup noodles at a nearby convenience store to bring home. (And some junk snacks I devoured while waiting for ate finish work—oh yes from one craving to another, chippy and coke zero cracked me).

This is not a story about my half-success/near-failure at “curbing craving” (try saying that 5 times, fast hehe). Read the title of this entry again. Last night, I had a strong craving for instant pancit canton. I wanted lucky me or Nissin’s yakisoba, but settled for Tekki Yakiudon, as it was the only other brand on the shelf I was familiar with somehow, (I also thought it would be great to try something else).

I half-succeeded curbing that pancit canton craving, if there is even such a thing as half-succeeding, or it’s just something I invented to justify my weakness hehe (I postponed eating it for breakfast today). All excited about eating the noodles for breakfast, I prepared myself to be satisfied, only to be disappointed. Tekki was far from what I expected—I ended up full but was left unsatisfied. It was a bad case of unmet expectations. (Why am I being so dramatic over instant noodles?!)

Lessons learned from the pancit canton chronicles:

- when you settle for something else, you can either be surprised for good reasons from the something else you settled for or be left wanting even more

- when you settle for something else, open your mind (and your palate) that what you chose will never be the same as what you really wanted

- when you settle for something else, try to see (amidst all the brewing disappointment) anything good that came out from your choosing something else (nabusog ka naman kahit lasang spaghetti yun pancit)

How about you, what happens when you settle for something else?

the word eater: a tribute to the one i love

i came across this multiply theme called the word eater. (this one i am now using) interestingly, it shows an ant-eater sucking up the letters from a notebook. it reminded me of two things.

one is an eating-your-own-words episode that reminds me to say things which i only mean (it helps you to swallow the words you say more easily when you get to a juncture). the other one-- which i always suffer from--is chronic thought-constipation (which i now presume to be caused by the word-eater, feeding on my fluid-thoughts, rendering me constipated).

writing has always been something i love. period.

while i have limited writing skills, it is one of the few things, i know i can do better than any average joe.more than giving me the opportunity to make a living out of it, writing has been the only thing, aside from my breathing pillars of strength (you know who you are), who has always made me feel and realize that i am who i am (hehe, that sounded like a dance music from the 80's), right where i am supposed to be.

when i am unable to write, i feel like a little part of me goes dry--and itchy, an itch that needs to be scratched, to borrow from his Airness, michael jordan. so i have to think about anything to write about. looking back, i have already written about the most cliche topics, mostly melodramatic if not 100% over-sentimental. i wrote about scabs, candy wrappers, shirttails, LRT rides, music, movies, books etc. and all of those times, i put down my pen or close a word document, with half-a-smile (the other half could be any other prevailing emotion).

through all the years i have loved writing--from the first time someone was generous with his flattery to a shy-11-year-old-trying-to-find-something-she-can-do-good-at that was me, until now that i am struggling to learn, relearn and unlearn many other things, i can say that i have made a special relationship with writing. and it is only now that i am writing about the one i love, perhaps to show how much i appreciate everything writing has brought my otherwise insignificant existence (there goes the drama queen again).

• sincerity and honesty - nothing beats writing about what IS real and true. being sincere with the things you write, hoping that in being true to yourself, you become true to the people who read what you write is already something to be happy about. of course, leaving room for imaginative writing is another story.
  
• brevity - i maybe the eternal persona of gobbledygook, but i have learned to appreciate the beauty and impact of brevity. though it is not apparent in this entry (hehe), there are thoughts which are better said and more strongly felt with fewer words, sometimes even with silence. *wink
• sharing - writing has strengthened the old teaching that you can only share what you have.
• release - sometimes, when i am consumed by a strong negative emotion (o yes, i admit that negative things sometimes consume me), i pause and write about what i feel to help me handle the emotional vortex i am in. the release, helps me to think more clearly and avoid saying things i might only end up being sorry about. (and actually eat my words)
• touching lives - i don't know about others, but some writers claim that they write only for themselves. in my case, while i write to keep the itch away, i also write hoping that the things i share would lighten up other people's trouble, put a smile across their face...
• memory - writing is a way of keeping memories and sharing them--rekindling the good ones and being brave to re-encounter the bad ones.
  

i just proved that i am gobbledygook-in-the-flesh! this entry is looong, i might be boring the few readers i have hehe. (do i even have readers?)

when you're with someone you love, everything sweetly comes by. (eew, i must really love writing for me to just say that or think that...hehe)

warmth of a morning sunshine

i never realized how the simplest thing like a morning sunshine could make a huge difference.

just when i thought the entire week would be stormy, i woke up tuesday morning with the warm sun touching my face. while i am not used to waking up that late, it felt good. it was as though the warmth of the sun did more than just rousing me from my usual depthless slumber.

it certainly did more.

tuesday morning, literally a day-after-the storm, was not just any ordinary tuesday morning--for the first time in many weeks, i felt i got up on the right side of the bed. while i may have had my own personal storm even before typhoon Frank came leaving livelihoods and homes destroyed and families losing their loved ones, i have learned to appreciate the warmth of the sun on an otherwise uneventful morning at a different level. something like, never really feeling warm without first feeling extremely cold, i know you get the drift.

no matter how trite it sounds, you really learn to appreciate the people and blessings, even the little storms you go through when you witness other people's trying times. i do not suggest trivializing the small problems we encounter but i have always felt that we can never take ourselves away from what the people around us are going through. and when you see how fortunate you are for the little troubles that bother you (unlike the gargantuan problems others have to put up with), you suddenly feel so small-- shameless to be whining over petty things, unaware and ungrateful of the wonderful blessing you already have. everyone can spell gratitude.

now, i am starting to move on. i have started moving on. and i guess i'll keep moving, embracing every warm sunshine that awaits me everyday, until i absorb enough heat i can pass on to others, if not readily, i could even bottle up as reserve.

dear stan

dear stan,

I don't really know how to tell you this, but I'll join the monastery. I think I realized it when we skinny dipped at the mental hospital and carved your initials into my father.

I'm sure you're scarred enough to understand that Extreme Home Makeover sucks.

I'm returning the couch cushions to you, but I'll keep your suicide note as a memory.

You should also know that I always will remember our friendship.


your everlasting enemy,

-mean-

[ Do it like this ]

Dear (the person who last texted/messaged you),

I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it ___2___ ___3___ and ___4___ ___5___.

I'm sure you're ___6___ enough to understand ___7___.

I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep ___9___ as a memory.

You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___.


___12___,

-Your name-

1. What's the color of your shirt?

Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I'll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're a loser
Other - I'm in love with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women's clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
Annat - With George Bush and his wife

4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insulted
Black - Ignored
Blue - Knocked out
Purple - Poured syrup on
White - Carved your initials into
Grey - Pulled the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrated
Pink - Pulled the toupee off
Barefoot - Sat at
Other - Drive out

5. What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes -Frostbitten
Lost - High
House -Scarred
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
Annat - Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I've felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we're cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this.
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I'm open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David's tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Always will remember
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain
Other - Greetings to your freaky family

lifted from isthy's site =)

ang alamat ng litratong ewan hehe

last saturday, after many years without household help, we tried getting one. unfortunately, in less than a week, the kunsumisyon my mama got dealing with the one who came, far outweighed the only benefit we wanted for having a helper around, that is, having someone do the laundry and ironing.

mama had to send her back because she wouldn't admit to dropping the flat iron and breaking it into pieces. we had that flat iron for many years, i have grown attached to it, hehe, but seriously, more than the broken pieces, what my mother disliked about what happened was the fact that the helper, whom we shall call Pipay, did not own up to her mistake, even crying about not having anything to do with the broken plantsa. what was even more irritating for my mother was having someone around the house who cannot be trusted with little things like that. (mama heard something drop from the upstairs room and Pipay insisted nothing fell. after checking, chipped parts of the iron were under the bed. that was her biggest mistake, never lie to mama, ayaw nya ng sinungaling).

i think we're going to stick with getting help with the laundry and ironing from a girl friday who wont have to stay home with us. the only funny thing i will remember about Pipay was when she saw my graduation picture, she told me: ate, ang ganda naman nun, parang artista? i told her: sino sa akala mo. then she answered: PARANG ikaw. i almost fell off my seat laughing at what she said.

that grad pic really gets a lot of people and it makes me wonder, hindi ko ba talaga kamukha yun nasa picture. i can only laugh. well, it's a good start to my little goal: try not to take yourself too seriously Mean.

mean

after a complicated tooth extraction

the legend of the grad pic...
(the one Pipay asked about was not this one,
it was my informal photo
where i wore a makeshift tube dress out of curtain drapes...
you can now stop laughing)

on rehab

i have been coffee-free (i can not claim caffeine-free as i have been sneaking caffeine shots from other "sources") for ten days. from limiting my daily consumption two one cup, i have upgraded to no-coffee, until i finally get my wish (actually two wishes). now, what my coffee-drinking has to do with those two wishes? i won't bother to explain.

i am just amazed how i manage to stay up this late when i've been killing myself at work for the past few weeks, working an average of 12 hours each day, all these without my coffee. maybe i'm mutating to my dream alter ego--the mutant who never gets to sleep.

i wish i am granted my wish(es). i am willing to extend my coffee-abstinence for another month, when it happens. ;) after that, i'd probably be binge drinking my way back to coffee-nirvana.

too cliche

the thing about writing is the fact that everything has already been said. if that's the case, why bother talk about anything else? when writing has become more than mere utterance of words and an expression of known ideas, you will probably understand why.

when you write, you take a chance at giving form and substance to people, events, and experiences, which could very well do without anyone writing about them. talking about anything--people, ideas, hopes and aspirations, fears, etc is a celebration of life in itself.

there is so much about life to write about, if only to celebrate the blessing of being alive. no amount of uncertainty should keep anyone from enjoying the here and now.

over the many summers that have passed, you come to realize, how much differently you see things from ten summers ago. while your perceptions change, your values should remain. the thoughts pour in and you think everything has indeed become too cliche. things that have become overly familiar or commonplace, tend to be taken for granted, if not completely forgotten.


the same is true in people. when you try to remember important people in your life, from your family to your friends, perhaps even the few significant acquaintances you've made, there will always be those whom you know, will always be there when you need them (sometimes even before you ask). but you can never be too sure; people, unlike ideas, can grow tired even against their will. which is why in all your relationships there is no such thing as too cliche.

quit before it kills you

i did not quit another job, that came as a warning to a smoker.

but then, it can also apply to many things other than smoking. it could be a bad habit, a misplaced obsession, an ill feeling, or whatever worries causing us undue stress.

quit before it kills you.

"reality bites"

"the people we love have the greatest power to hurt us..." (quoted)

rambling v.1_no exemptions

In school, some teachers give final exam exemptions to deserving students. Deserving students are of two kinds, those who are simply brilliant, and those who are simply matiyaga. In any case, these exemptions are determined by the pre-finals grades that pretty much tell how well a student did during the entire semester. So the students wait—brilliant, matiyaga or otherwise, for the announcement of exemptions.

[I later realized, effort didn’t count much in earning exemptions (“I tried to get high scores you know”) than it does in at least passing a course (‘nagsipag naman po ako, hindi ko lang po talaga inabot ang grade, sana ipasa niyo na lang ako”)] Teachers have their ways of knowing. They just know. And it’s true, we made our grades, and they basically add up and compute what we give them, save for some occasions when a student’s hardworking attitude and character make some teachers reconsider and re-evaluate the case. (Why am I thinking about all these?! It’s been four years since I finished school and maybe, I really want to study again :p)

Going back to the excitement and anticipation of being exempted, students generally accept the exemption and skip the test to study for the other subjects instead. There are those who take the test even if they got exempted, much to their classmates’ annoyance. Ang yabang naman! Hehe

I was one of those who took advantage of exemptions. If my memory serves me right (I sometimes get senior moments already), I never took a test to make my pre-finals grade higher. When I look back, I made a few realizations. One is when I chose to take the exemptions, I actually missed out on the purpose of the final exam, and that is the chance to systematically measure how much information was retained in my head. (I am partial to the idea that exams do NOT measure true learning, well that’s just my opinion) Maybe that explains why I have forgotten most of the computations we did in school, though I am really more of a conceptual learner, if there is such an idea hehe, I love ideas, explaining and understanding ideas, and making them useful. My point is—being exempted has its disadvantages.

Number two, school is too small a microcosm of the universe and all universal laws that govern it, still it is from where we spent most of our formative years until such time, we are mature enough to brave the jungle—that is, when the decisions we have to make are much more than merely accepting or refusing an exemption.

Lastly, for those who chose to take the test even if they didn’t have to, they sure had their reasons, but for the sake of humoring, they should have taken the exemption because, once out of school, the privilege of exemptions becomes rare, in fact, we hardly even get one.

From the trivial to the more consequential, there is so much in our daily routine that supports our contention that there are no exemptions. Nobody is spared from traffic (at least in Manila). Tax exemptions? I don’t like talking about taxes, for one, I don’t totally understand it, and number two, the little I understand about it only frustrates me.

Everyone experiences pain, weather physical or emotional. Everyone goes through phases of weakness, doubt and hopelessness. Everyone experiences sorrow and emptiness. Everyone feels alone sometimes. Everyone feels guilt, frustration, anger and fear. Then again, we always have to remember that we can not remain stuck in this loop.

In our uncontrived reality, there are no exemptions.

lessons from an overkill

i am quite in the mood for picking up lessons from my little experiences. i've been having clouds over my head, (to borrow from the song from music and lyrics which i saw last night on hbo), and the clouds must be swirling with the coffee i had after dinner, keeping me awake.

i recently got a pasalubong (i actually thought i was paying for it so i asked for a 160gb hdd and an 8gb memory stick pro duo) the external hard drive was for backup and file storage and the 8gb memory stick was for my portable playstation. my ninang thought it was an overkill.

the overkill reeled some thoughts on my mind.

one of the swirls it made: people and memory. "people" is interchangeable with you and me.

there are many interesting things to talk about memory, like never forgetting and always remembering. where do we keep our memories? which memories are worth keeping? a few good ramblings would surely come from the idea of memory.

the overkill that is the 160 gb external storage is a declaration of an underlying longing to remember and be remembered. it shows how one would try so hard to keep memories readily accessible, making sure nothing is lost, and leaving room for so much more.

for the memories life gives us, and those memories we leave in turn, an overkill will always be justified.

release...

free

the day i decided to fly a kite...

..............................................:).....................................................

reDIScovery

there is always a new and different way of seeing things...

the anticipation...

to experience
a number of personal deaths
and still find comfort in
at
least
one
resur-
rec-
tion.....

my favorite chapter in the little prince

i never wrote an entry as straightforward as the title, hehe...

last saturday, i was looking for books to lend my cousin, my lola and tita when i found our battered copy of antoine de saint exupery's little prince. it was one of the books which we were required to read in high school, part of our english literature class. i have read it several times and it always leaves me crying and happy every time i finish reading it.

last weekend, the little prince came to visit me again...

i'd like to share my favorite chapter, where the little prince tames the fox :-D

nosebleed trigger...something from out of the loo of my mailbox...hehe

It was jazz an ordinary day.

The skies were clear, the birds were chipping. Ang ganda-ganda ng araw!

Nasa SM ako noon at katatapos ko lang mamili ng groceries. Timing naman nasa
foodcore si Angel Locsin, nagpro-provoke ng movie nya. Grabe, andaming fans,
pull-packed talaga! Dahil fans nya rin ako, nakipila rin ako.


Then suddenly, out of the loo, may bumulong sa akin ng: "Indaaaayyyy. ....."

Huh? It sounded like a familiar sound. Who can it be now?

"Dodong!" sigaw ko.



Napalakas yata voice ko. Kasi the other fans turned their backs to their
behind at napatingin sa amin. Sabi ko "Sorry, I didn't mean to be loud and
proud." Hinawakan na lang ni Dodong ang kamay ko at lumayo kami from the
crowd.



"Kamusta na Inday? Do you come here open? tanong nya.



"Bihira lang, Dodong. I'm just droppings by. Ethnic and schedule ko eh" sabi ko.



Memories came flushing in my mind. How can I forget to remember Dodong? Siya
na may mata ni Piolo, dimple ni Aga, at bigote ni Rex Cortez. he's every
woman's dreamboat. I was just starting my tour of duty kay ate noon nang
unang makilala ko si Dodong. Contraction worker siya sa ginagawang bahay sa
tapat namin. Naging kami for a while then after that were not an item
anymore.



"Tanghali na Inday. What did you say we have lunch together?" tanong ni
Dodong. "I don't mine" sagot ko.
Sa restaurant, nilapitan kaagad kami ng waiter. "What's your odor sir?" sabi
nung waiter kay Dodong.



"Do you have porkshop?" tanong ni Dodong.




"Yes sir" sabi nito. "Our porkshop with a resistance to the teeth of boast
of our chef. Domestic careful selection of pork with little fat of female
liking is used. The exquisite cooking which repeated trial and error and was
completed. it also has healthy vegetables with salad feeling fully" dagdag
niya.



"And you mam?" sabay tingin naman sa akin.



Hmmm... mukhang masarap yung porkshop. Pero I'm cutting down on my carbon kaya
pinigilan ko.



"I'll just have water, thanks. Liquidate diet ako eh." sagot ko.



Pagkatapos kumain, nagyaya si Dodong manood ng sine. Teka teka, this is
going too far. Besides, it's a long, long way to run.



"Reality chess, Dodong. May asawa na ako, si Jay. As a mother of fact, I'm
happily married" pagmamalaki ko.



"Di na pwede yung tulad ng dati. Sorry pero I didn't expect you still have
more feelings than I expected. i don't want you getting the way. Past is
fast. Therefore, cause and defect." dagdag ko pa.



Tumahimik sya. Parang may language barrel na namagitan sa amin. The seconds
that passed seemed like fraternity. Di nagla-on, nagsalita na rin sya.



"I don't care less!" sigaw ni Dodong.



Shocks, give me a brake! The nerd ng taong ito para sigawan ako! To think
it's his other woman that caused our separation to part.



Kinabahan na ako. I felt speedbumps all over my body and was having panic
attach. Tinalikuran ko siya at nagmadali akong lumakad palayo. Pero sumunod
pa rin siya like a monkey on my butt. Hanggang sa makakita ako ng security
guard. Biglang nawala si Dodong.



"Excuse me kuya, pwedeng magtanong?" sabi ko sa mamang guard.



"Of course miss, I can help you with my pleasure." sagot niya.



"Saan po ba ang exit? Could you point me to the right erection? I got lost
in my eyes."



"Diretso lang." sabi niya. "Then turn right anytime with care."



"Thanks for your corporation" sabi ko.



Buti na lang nandun si kuya. Pero saglit lang, I smell something peachy. As
I turned, nakita ko na namang nakasunod si Dodong! Delaying static lang pala
kanina ang pag disappear nya.



"Nyahahaha! You can run but you can hide, Inday. No matter where you go,
there you are!" pananakot nya.



Oh no, is this the end? This is too much, I feel degradable. My world
started falling afar.



Then suddenly, Jay come from behind! Dodong was caught to the act! In the
matter of minute, it's all over. I'm out of arm's way.


"Thanks Jay, my love. But how did you?" bago pa man ako matapos, sabi niya:


"I was in the neighborhood. Fans din ako ni Angel eh. I heard you shout but
at first I didn't give it a thought. Pero nang makita ko kayong magkahawak
ng holding hands, then i give it a thought. I know something is a missed."



From then on, Dodong did not brother me again. In fact, he didn't even
sister me. As in platonic at wala na talaga.



Pero kami ni Jay, heto, shoot sailing pa rin ang relationship. Lalo pa
ngayon, open na kami sa isa't-isa at walang exhibitions. i feel I'm on cloud.

sum of it all... a resolve to be...

Just a little bit stronger
Just a little bit wiser
Just a little less needy
(And maybe I'd get there.)

from Maria Mena's Just a Little Bit

Scholastic Impact of Video-Gaming

Children dreaming of becoming brilliant surgeons, hear the good news. Video-gaming could well become one of the elective courses, if not one of the core courses, in medical schools of the near future.

In a brief presentation at the Beth Israel Center in the United States, Dr. James C. Rosser, an associate professor at the Department of Laparoscopic Surgery, discussed a study aptly titled, “Are Video Game Players Better at Laparoscopic Surgery Tasks?” Leading his team of other investigators from equally distinguished Universities across the US, Dr. Rossier put forth several interesting findings of their study.

Video-gaming has been notoriously written off in previous researches on account of its established correlation with decreased academic performance, decreased pro-social behavior as well as aggressive thoughts, feelings, and behavior. It is likewise correlated with smoking, obesity and a string of physiological stimulations. Such notoriety is slightly diminished by the research team’s hypothesis.

Alternatively, some earlier studies which evaluated psychomotor skills vis-à-vis video game activity which demonstrated that “video-gamers showed superior eye-hand coordination, more rapid reaction time, superior spatial visualization and increased capacity for visual attention and spatial distribution.” Taking on the results of previous studies, the team suggested that surgeons who had previously played video games would have better skills in a standardized laparoscopy and suturing program, thus establishing a correlation between playing video games and improved performance in the said program.

After carefully controlling other factors, including the amount of time spent in playing video games, as well as the content, form and game mechanics, their results indicate that there could be a good side to video gaming chronicles. “Video game skill and past experience with video games are significant predictors of laparoscopic skills and suturing capability after controlling for sex, years of medical training and number of laparoscopic cases performed (p <0.01),” Dr. Rosser explained.

The study population included 33 surgeons and the methodology was composed of three elements, namely the questionnaire, the laparoscopic skill and suturing program (top gun), and the video game tasks. The first one probed on the respondent demographics as well as their video gaming history and surgical specialty and experience and the number of laparoscopic surgeries they have handled. The program was composed of laparoscopic and suturing drills. Lastly, the video game elements were chosen based on perceived correlation with the aforesaid skills.

Performance of certain tasks has been shown to improve with video game simulators, as in driving skills and flying planes. Amidst the ever-increasing sales of video-games worldwide, side by side the cost-effectiveness of alternative training models and other accompanying advantages of simulation such as error prevention, and taking out ethical issues in using living subjects, using video game simulators in improving laparoscopic and suturing skills opens a more interesting field of practice for future physicians; and you would no longer be surprised when you find a surgeon in pre-op, playing Trauma Center (Nintendo game) to warm up before minor invasive surgical procedure.

don't you go anywhere

http://progressiveboink.com/archive/calvinhobbes.htm

you squeeze my tears out

from http://progressiveboink.com/archive/calvinhobbes.htm

words fail me

The transmogrifier story. (from http://progressiveboink.com/archive/calvinhobbes.htm)

from calvin and hobbes

"Some people are pragmatists, taking things as they come and making the best of the choices available. Some people are idealists, standing for principle and refusing to compromise. And some people just act on any whim that enters their heads. I pragmatically turn my whims into principles!" -- Calvin

all grown-up

did you miss the rugrats when they turned the show into "all-grown-up"?

you remember how when you were little, you have this little impression that there are just some things which are simply not for kids; that some things, like certain conversations and discussions are only for grown-ups? well, there are those kids who were fortunate to be treated "maturely" by the grown-ups around them, as a result, albeit without aiming to generalize, these kids grow up with a more mature take on different things. if they used the "grown-up thoughts" well, then good for them. otherwise, they would just feel that a good amount of their childhood had been taken away from them.

why all these talk about grown-up thoughts anyway? after welcoming another year, and finding yourself counting the days once more, you simply couldn't help but feel how quickly time passes, and you realize that as the clock turns, nothing stays the same. everything changes. inevitably.

with the inevitable, and with the realization that nothing remains the same, you learn the value of acceptance. difficult as it is to embrace change and to detach oneself from certain ideals, memories, experiences, and individuals--learning to accept the certainty of change somehow makes it easier for you to keep going and free yourself from a weighed-down state which is largely of your own making.

when you grow-up, you teach yourself to accept that there are a lot of things which are bound to happen, sooner or later. for one, you cannot expect that a child remains a child forever. some times, no matter how strongly you wish to feed your inner-child, circumstances put you in a position where a little of that inner-child dies. and you can't say you didn't try saving her.

sooner or later, you have to forgive yourself for things which you have been tying off your neck, like a bar of lead pulling you deep to the ocean, in the past; the same way that you have to forgive others for whatever pain, hurt, and injustice you may have experienced because of them.

when you were little, you were told that some things have to wait. that you can do certain things when you're old enough. that everything is part of molding you to become a the best person you can be. when you're grown up, you should be grateful for everybody who took responsibility and cared enough to nurture you. still, when you get old enough, you take it upon yourself that certain restrictions will have to be maintained.

maybe growing up isn't too bad. if watching all the films you want is good enough reason. ha!

from Henry David Thoreau

" I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."