interesting metaphors by the author, manuel l. quezon iii. for related stories and special reports click, http://www.inquirer.net/specialreports/nbndeal/.
the characters:
kapitan calabasa?
madam*
ollieder?
maculitna?
atty. laoshnaunano*
atty. fundido*
shang kwan*
chairman ayos*
tremulous nerdly*
loopy billabirdie*
lando menhaosiao*
manong yoda*
***
MANILA, Philippines -- A long time ago, in a barangay far, far away, Kapitan Calabasa entered the library of the Palacio Maldita, and gently coughed to inform Madam that she had a visitor. Madam ignored him, as she was in the middle of a call.
“Hello, Ollieder? Ang fulido talaga ng trabaho mo. The fafer you shubmitted should protect me for another year. Pleashe thank you alsho to Maculitna for endorshing it.”
“What? Thish ish not Atty. Laoshnaunano? Who are you? Atty. Fundido? I shee. Thank you, anyway. Sho who wash the endorsher? Shang Kwan? From where? Ah. Yesh, I know the plashe. Where the queshong futi comes from. Thank him for hish endorshement, noh.”
Madam slammed down the receiver and glared at Calabasa. “You shee? Thish ish why we need that Shtrong Baranggay Nagging Network or SBNN!”
“Yes, Madam. I am glad Atty. Pundido and Shang Kwan are helping you. By the way ma’am, may I congratulate you for your handling of that situation with Chairman Ayos, ‘konting kuskos, ayos!’ If I don’t say so myself.”
Madam threw her communicator at Calabasa. “I am not amushed, noh. Ayosh was usheful and now look what haffened.” She frowned, then decided to try to be gracious. “Kap, may 200 ka dito…”
“What??”
“Yesh. 200 ml. Of Lifovitan. It keepsh you going. We musht work hard to maintain our shtrong baranggay.”
“Oh.”
“Be shilent. I am looking for my three shtoogesh. Where are they?”
“Ah, Tremoulous Nerdly is just throwing up, as usual. Loopy Billabirdie is there, Madam, you’re confusing him again with the decorative stone frog. I can’t find Lando Menhaoshiao…”
“Yesh. Wait, I heard him cough. Lando? Come out, come out, wherever you are! Ah, I shaw a fotted flant shake. That musht be him. He’sh invishible, you shee. Very usheful. Shometimesh, he’s vishible, to shign a document. Then he can dishaffear and shteal it if it needsh revishions.”
“Ah, you mean for ETC?”
“Shut uf! Thish ish a crishish! We musht deshtroy Manong Yoda!”
Billabirdie croaked, “Madam, we can say he is perverting the Force. We can tag him as the Invisible Jedi Master manipulating the destruction of the Republic!”
Madam smiled. Then the plant shook to signify Lando Menhaoshiao was saying something: “Pssst, Madam, your ploy to have Pundido file a paper with Shang Kwan’s help is brilliant, but with due respect, if Billabirdie exposes Manong as the Invisible Man, I in turn might get exposed.”
Madam scowled. “How?”
“Ni hao? Fine…”
“Shut up! We’re not talking to ETC. We musht handle thish Manong Yoda.”
The voice from the vicinity of the plant continued, “Ah. Ma’am, with Ayos gone, and Nerdly silent, still, if you talk about an invisible man, they might look for real invisible men, and, after all, Manong’s always been visible, while so far I am the only one of your people known for his invisibility skills.”
“I shee. Sho we musht deshtroy Manong Yoda shome other way… My shonsh want him eliminated.”
Suddenly, the doors burst open. A small figure with pointy ears entered. The figure looked at the shocked assemblage and said, “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”
“You! Back off!!” Madam screamed.
“Powerful you have become, the dark side I sense in you.”
Madam’s voice remained steely. “Oh, well, yesh, but you shee, we musht try to find a way to dishipline your wayward shon…”
“Do or do not... there is no try.”
“He musht be controlled!”
“Not if anything to say about it I have.”
“He’sh deprived me of Ayosh and now he’sh fointing shtraight at me! Thish ish too frightening!”
“Named must your fear be before banish it you can.”
“What? Shtof it! Your shon ish the enemy! Or ish it you?”
The intruder shook his head. “Only the Dark Lord of the Sith knows of our weakness. If informed the Senate is, multiply our adversaries will.”
“What? Nerdly? But he’sh under my guard’sh control! He will never shqueal! I have bound him with imperial privilege!”
The pointy-eared figured gave an enigmatic smile. “The dark side clouds everything. Impossible to see the future is.”
“No! You musht control your shon! And you musht not challenge my hold on Nerdly! And you! Shuffort the fafer I have had shubmitted and kill it to prove your loyalty! And to maintain your foshishion with your feofle!”
Another shrug. “Good relations with the Wookiees, I have.”
“If you deshtroy me I will deshtroy you!” Madam screamed.
The figure looked straight into her angry eyes. “Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you; here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere, yes. Even between the land and the ship.”
The figure then turned his back on Madam, and as he left the library, Manong Yoda said, “The shroud of the Dark Side has fallen. Begun, this Clone War has."
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