the importance of being idle (oasis)

I don't mind
As long as there's a bed beneath the stars that shine
I'll be fine
If you give me a minute
A mans got a limit
I cant get a life if my hearts' not in it

I lost my faith in the summertime
Cos it don't stop raining
The sky all day's as black as night
But I love complaining

I begged my doctor for one more line
He said "Son, words fail me"
It ain't no place to be killing time
But I guess I'm just lazy

I don't mind
As long as there's a bed beneath the stars that shine
I'll be fine
If you give me a minute
A mans got a limit
I cant get a life if my hearts' not in it

obiter dicta

from 2005

****

On our way back from the hospital, my mother and I were comfortably seated at the passenger’s seat when a passing pedicab plunged me deep in thought. To the pedicab’s rear, this blameless one-liner was written: Apparent loss is real gain.

Cynics out there must be screaming. The aphorism is swelling with optimism to be real. Well, what can I do? Aside from the obvious economic downturn to a “road to perdition” our country is facing, just recently I received this message from a dear friend: “I find nothing more depressing than optimism.”(Paul Fussell) For a moment, I thought, my friend must have ESP, as right at that time, I was nursing ambivalence: am I a quasi-optimist or a blasted skeptic?

Apparent loss is real gain. From the quasi-optimist point of view, it would be wonderful to believe that indeed, some of “God’s refusals are His real mercies”. That nothing can be all wrong because, “even a clock that has stopped running is right twice in a day.” If a little bit of Hollywood trivia could convince cynics out there, you must be familiar that most of the characters in Friends, were cast off in some other popular TV shows then? Take Chandler for instance, according to sources (huh?), he wanted to be part of the Melrose Place, hoping to snatch the role of “Billy” but was R-E-J-E-C-T-E-D (do you even think it would have suited Matthew Perry?) Apparently, Lisa Kudrow was also up for a role in a different show but was not accepted. In their case, their apparent loss was real gain, as they would not have bagged their respective roles in Friends and last ten seasons, doing something they were simply born to be part of. But then John Mayer sings, “Everything happens for a reason, is no reason not to ask myself, if I am living it riiiiiiiight….”, and you backtrack to the other side.

Apparent loss is real gain. It’s now calamity howler’s turn on the rostrum (huh?). Quit wearing your rose-colored spectacles my child. Everything is not what it seems. Why fool yourself into believing that you can actually make things happen? Come-on, you surely have seen the worst. People are born losers and you’re not about to drown yourself with quixotic ideas and end-up deeper in the mud…

Static…I hear static…I’m losing signal….

If we judge this based on the previous depositions, perhaps you’d say, the optimist wins. Then again, the cynics insist, it was merely due to a lack of more ‘physical evidence’.

‘guess we have just witnessed a concession and we now rest our case.

silly

09.13.05

Meet Silly.

Yes, you heird right, her nime is Silly. You must be wondering who would’ve nimed their biby Silly? Thing is, Silly wis supposed to be nimed S_lly, but in their plice, the use of the letter “a” wis binned for eternity, replicing it with “i”. For reisons not even their power hungry legislitors could understind, they woke up one diy knowing thit the liw his been pissed. They thought it wis i welcome idei thit there wis even ictivity in the house, however inept it ill seemed.

Everybody thought it wis outrigeous, but for lick of, whit most people siy, i better ilternitive, the people went forwird in submission to the new ruling. Flibbergisted they ill were when they took iwiy the letter. I lot of words sounded different. Meinings chinged inevitibly when some words were ordered to be spelled the sime, but should ictuilly refer to two different things, so people hid to be cireful with their context.

The dinger of putting too miny i’s in people’s lives don’t you think?

Inywiy, Silly wis just stirting out work in i bookstore where she wis she easily becime well-known to frequent buyers is the most iccommoditing ittendint. Perhips it wis beciuse of her genuine love for books. She grew up pricticilly poring on iny miteriil worth reiding iround their home. She knew Tolkien even before his LOTR becime i runiwiy success in the movies. I no-nonsense literiture ificionido, she reid prose, poetry, fiction ind biogriphy is if they were the iir she breithed. Gircii-Mirquez’s 100 Yeirs of Solitude, she finished in i record 1-week, quite i feit when on the iverige, most people seemed to reid the book i hundred yeirs. She his reid eich of the Hirry Potter book it leist twice ind she never restriined herself from miking purchises is long is it idded to her book collection. You could siy, she is one voricious reider indeed.

She loved her job it the bookstore ind for the longest time believed it wis ill she’d ever do. Until one diy…

I very irrogint customer seemed to be looking for i book cilled The Devil and Miss Prym. The very iccommoditing stiff thit she wis, Silly, told the min, the book wis not iviilible. She hid rin through the ditibise to see if the title wis sold in iny of the other brinches of the bookstore but the book wis virtuilly univiilible, it leist within the irei. The min, difficult is he wis, would not tike i negitive for in inswer. Coming from i different plice he wis not iwire of the ruling thit the use of “i” wis obtusely prohibited, thit when he isked for Silly’s nime, he thought he wis being cilled silly when Silly told him “Silly”. Where is the manager, he snapped, this young lady just called me silly when I was just asking for this book by Coehlo.

So perhips, you get the picture of whit hippened next…

…ind you reilize, the storyteller sucks.

food trip

07.26.05


Gastronomical treats can be one of life’s simple pleasures. During these times when the earth seems to swallow up entire populations with nagging problems and a deluge of concerns, most people would find comfort and a sense of “everything-will-be-okay” in the company of the food they love. Perhaps, how gastronomic any meal can get is largely dependent on one’s personal taste. That flavorful isaw on the street corner can very well match the gourmet good eats other people enjoy in posh restaurants someplace else. As they say, kanya-kanyang trip. Besides, food safety is an entirely different story (waha!).

Speaking of story, you’d probably agree that behind every favorite food there is a certain memory evoked, and food trip can really bring you some years of good ol’ reminiscing. So here’s a list of food trip items one couldn’t simply have enough of.

Isaw. Just the smell of the semi-charred pig or chicken entrails sends you to gastronomical heights. For those too pernickety when it comes to street food, you’re probably missing a quarter of your eating existence, but we’re not taking your disinclination towards eating isaw against you.

Probably, you can buy from trusted stalls/stands (Diliman’s isaw is really one of the best) or even try cooking your own. It’s especially tasty when charred and dipped in a mixture of vinegar, soy sauce and spicy siling labuyo.

Iskrambol. Before the pearl-shakers bandwagon and Ice Monster, there was iskrambol. This is a cool mix of shaven ice and milk. Manongs who sell this outside campus (back in high school) have this small plastic stick (so much like that of Mcdo’s coffee), which goes with the tiny cup of iskrambol. The first time I tried it my stomach went bummer, but liked it anyway.

Corn kernel with butter, sugar, and cheese powder. The ultimate after-school merienda. It’s more convenient to eat than the corn on the cob (though some are really hard-core corn cob aficionados) and it has an extraordinary blend of salty and sweet, good enough to make the trip aboard your school service extra-indulging.

Lala chocolate. You remember this choco-delight? If you grew up frequenting a nearby

sari-sari store, they used to sell Lala chocolate per chunk. It’s this chocolate whose texture is bordering fudge and real chocolate. It looks like wafer (crisscrossing lines giving a picture of an ancient windowpane) but softer and chewy. Again, if your throat is as fussy as your taste, treating yourself with this chocolate is not entirely recommended. It can give you a scratchy throat afterwards and you better wash it down with water.

THE Wafer. It was wrapped in a gold foil and had a picture of a manor house and a butler blowing some kind of trumpet. (bago pa makilala ang loacker) Anyone remembers how we call this wafer?

Coney Island’s Eskimo-roll. You can call it the supreme ice cream experience but this one’s a goner in the ice cream red carpet. Even before Funwhich came and was eventually phased-out, kids of this generation must have had Eskimo-roll as the first on their list of favorites. The ice cream sandwich is one of the best. Imagine sinking your teeth into a chocolate ice cream sandwich with nuts, a fudgy brownie filling having all the chocolaty flavor, the uplifting chill it sends your satiety centers and the morsels of chocolate bread gathering round the sides of your mouth with every bite of your much adored Eskimo-roll. The closest there is to experiencing this food is Selecta’s Chocolate Almond Brownie, sans the sandwich of course.

Writing this can be really stimulating. Why not take a break and satisfy your cravings, the food trip isn’t over…you can always run to your favorite food trip haven, and forget about your diet this time—there goes your fishballs, kwek-kwek, tukneneng, your favorite pizza, Razon’s halo-halo, laing, karakare, taho, grilled tilapia, tuna, steak, fried mozzarella, nachos, tortilla chips, nugget burger with cucumber of course, pinapaitan, dinuguan at puto, special goto, even arrozcaldo… How about that?!

growing inches

original post: 1.08.2006

It was New Year’s Eve.

Instead of the usual wishing-you-a-blessed-new-year greetings, you got several friends reminding you to jump—not from the 4^th floor—at the strike of midnight for you to amazingly grow inches (or centimeters at least) despite having gone past the growth spurt some years back. Obviously, you must be one of the vertically challenged people who are also called: short or bonsai (excuse the term, but cousin Jec calls his cousin that), nonetheless cute. Ha!

Superstitious year-openers like this may not be untrue altogether. For despite the fact that you remain standing five feet flat (yes, believe her, she reached 60 inches), you realize that you could very well use growing a few inches in other aspects of your life, and so the list begins…

Hope—You begin with hope. Yes, growing a few inches of hope would mean waking up to every morning, less dreary and more upbeat. Because despite dreading Mondays (we all have different reasons), there will always be Fridays to look forward to and you remain hopeful that come every Friday you can freeze time and unfreeze it to your liking.

Trust—Trusting more is really easier said than done. You’ve always wished you could go back to being a child when trusting was as natural as sucking milk, period. You can get a little too world-weary at times, but you sure could do with less worries and unnecessary anxieties and trust that things will be okay, everything, in its place.

Faith—Have more faith in people too. Set aside the bad experiences with those who broke your belief that human beings are inherently good and try to see: there are still people who are there to make you see life differently.

Endurance and resilience—You’re a Filipino. Need you say more?

Laid-back attitude—Cherish every moment of your life as though everything that unfolds happens for something purposeful. Why get stressed by leaving the house at 6:30 when the shuttle arrives at 6:45? Little things like this, remind you that there are things, which are beyond your control—so why fuss over things beyond your control? There are better things deserving of your energy don’t you think?

Truthfulness—Remain truthful. Life is a stage, but you don’t necessarily have to wear masks.

Generosity—Give more. Make people feel you are truly giving a part of yourself with every time you share with them. Make them smile through your generous words of kindness and an equal amount of understanding. If it is real generosity you’re showing, they’d see you’re not giving to get something else in return, but simply because you enjoy the deed.

Forgiveness—Growing inches of forgiveness is the best way to lose weight—talk about shedding “excess calories”.

Appreciation—How many people have you left unappreciated? It’s time to become more appreciative of the people you care for. Count your blessings, sounds cliché but gratefulness is really a gateway for more blessings to come your way.

Love—Many people love and care for you. Don’t let them down by throwing yourself to the ditches. Love yourself more. Yes, you deserve it, so go get that Mraz ticket…not! Haha!

***
this was written almost two years ago, and yes, wouldn't it be nice if we keep growing inches?

not so long ago... :p

Wii erm, wheee!

look what i just got in "celebration" of my early onset quarter-life crisis! Indecision by Benjamin Kunkel. It has been in our list of prizes for our walking weekend bonanza (WWB haha), and I'm so happy i finally have it. thanks to ate, who got an extremely distinctive "accomplice" (ms. lebron, hehe), for getting me this book while i am at the same bookstore with her. It is always good to be vocal about the things you like you know, hehe.

I hope to read this soon (if not tonight), for now, here's a peek of what the book is about:

amidst a midlife crisis, 28-year old dwight is afflicted with a "chronic inability to make up his mind". he comes across an experimental drug targeted to cure indecision and gets encouraged (not without much meditation on doing so) to take the pill. when suddenly, he gets fired from his job and gets invited for a getaway in an exotic place by his long time girl-fantasy, he finds himself on the edge of a new life. thing is, he can't decide if the pill is working and in the middle of his would-be romantic escape, comes a "hilarious journey into unbidden responsibility and unwelcome knowledge--and an unexpected reason for being". (whew)

heaven knows

07.22.2005

In the middle of another article, your most-anticipated song of late, Heaven Knows (by Orange and Lemons), plays on your Jurassic transistor radio. A smile instantaneously flashes across your face and there’s no denying, the song simply made your day. You leave an erstwhile impulse to write that particular article and veered off to this thing which made an otherwise clear day turn into a blast. (Yahoo! yahoo! wait up…you’re starting to sound irritatingly bouncy…) Okay, that was an enormous bit of exaggeration, but sometimes when things become so sorely desolate, hearing your song or any good music for that matter, is as refreshing as your favorite strawberry lemonade. As one friend puts it, waiting for your song on the radio gives a different thrill, even with the stream of ipods and mp3 players in tow. (Now, sure hope that doesn’t sound like sour graping eh?)

What makes the song so pleasurable anyway? Ahh, that’s quite a perfect modifier don’t you think? Perhaps, its rarity is one thing that makes it even more desired (if desired is once again too intense an adjective, let us change that to sough-after). As of this writing, this song is being aired by just one radio station (no, it’s not --- ---. -), and not as often as you can demand it aired. You see, people oftentimes have this unconscious yearning for things apparently beyond reach. Perhaps, getting hold of what seems unattainable makes everything sweeter, not to mention interesting and more energizing on the part of the one who hankers.

You might not exactly have the ear for musical genius, but you sure love the way the song soothes your deadbeat feeling. Certainly, you have your personal long-drive (where you picture yourself driving alone or with company, driving through a road lined with oak trees one auburn afternoon…), feel-good, wake-up, charge-up and, emote songs on your request/play list; even so, Heaven Knows can be simply singled out as your song—or anybody’s favorite, for several good reasons, and for the most part, the libretto.

This articulation may perfectly appear unsolicited, yet we pigeonhole the song into either the “songs-you-wish-were-sung-for-you” or “unfortunately-I’m-singing-this-song...are-you-happy-now?“ categories. It largely depends on which side of the fence you’re in. To those who think they belong to the former, shall we say, good for you? Where as to those coming from the other side, we are here to commiserate—for what can be a more cheerless story than that of the one who got away? (Thanks to that circulating email Re: the one who got away.)

To maintain an impartial view of the whole picture, let’s take a quick glance into these two categories if only to try and make both sides feel better and at least let them find consolation in the middle of whatever they have to put up with.

Friend, if you’re one among those who wish this song was for you, could we just say in jest—aren’t you one big lump of an egomaniac? All right, you’ve made your point, you were somebody’s loss, so quit being overwhelmed that you’re such a prized catch and the other party was an aching loser for letting you go. May you find the person who deserves you and hopefully you deserve him/her too. (Is it really a question of being worthy?) Jumping over to the other side of the fence: what happened? Why did you have to let your angel go? What did you do wrong? Whatever the reason, and if it makes you feel better, your gesture of “letting go” is very much appreciated, that is if you’re at fault for whatever went wrong, and probably more so if you’re not. Although a little introspection wouldn’t hurt, would it?

Meanwhile, we have some sound trip to get back to…

brevity

thermal paper

thought you were something special

amazingly smooth, reasonably pricey, but you can

never keep what’s written for eternity

**

obituary

sketches of a lifelong journey

can a few words really capture one being?
whose final quest –a memory

HAIKU

**

chocolate

your hugs and kisses

are better than calories

from a bar of Twix

**

fixation

stillness becomes you

as though ensnared, by unseen

forces around you

**

epicurean delight

refined at its best

but how can you satisfy

my hunger for real

**

leaf

falling off a tree

under the auburn sunlight

warming your sad eyes

**

words

soft utterances

disengage a raging storm

in your quiet mind

**

dung

they say, it happens

allow it not to ruin

a promising day

**

an epitaph

here lies a body

of crashed idealisms

your one passion –dead

**

song

invisible thread

sailing through oceans parting

you and your lost soul

**

words (II)

whose strength and power

lie largely in the meaning

liberating truth

**

hero

a revelation

of gallantry illusion

when false heroes die

**

beginnings

the end of a bend

commenced a straight path ahead

embarking anew

**

ikebana

heaven, earth and man

more than just an arrangement

life encompassing

**

silence

a double-edged sword

a flailing machinery

of misconceptions

**

rain

washed away and drenched

mem’ries of your bitterness

a parched spirit quenched

**

lies

cast a masquerade

steer clear from a stropped dagger

bless the blameless one

**

why people should not go to the malls...

09.21.2005

*****

After a rough day, your tired feet manage to carry you to a stop at the mall. As you amble your way inside, tired and quite exhausted, a Nemo-got-lost-feeling dawns on you while walking against the flow of the swarm of people. You wonder what these folks are up to, why do they even go to the mall. Quite a number of Filipinos are absolute mall rats. Rats! Hehe. Some go there just because—as though observing The Tao of Pooh: Pooh just is. Then, your antagonist persona thinks about the pretty interesting reasons for not going to the malls…

1. Paranoia leads you to believe that these shopping centers—havens to mall enthusiasts—could be easy targets for terrorist assaults.
2. Although you enjoy poring on books at National Bookstore and Powerbooks and Fully-booked, even finishing Kokology, on installment reading-trips (sheesh! next target: Ang Alamat ng Gubat), you wouldn’t like to visit the mall if you end up spending a HUGE part of your measly income on unplanned book-purchases.
3. A stop at the music store tells the same story as number two, only different, humming to a torment-yourself-tune, where in you find all the CDs (and tapes—yes cassette tapes still exist—yey!) you like, play that of your current favorite’s a while and decide to get a freeboot version instead. Are we hearing a confession? Or are we looking at heads nodding in unison? Waha!
4. Trying to relax yourself while taking pleasure in ambling, you almost crash into a lady. Now what’s interesting about that? Well, the lady looked fairly decent, but she seemed to have broken away from Mandaluyong (or must be trying to find her friends from ward seven), she was mumbling sharp words, and seemed really unstable. A couple of fellow ramblers give her a quick second-look, including yourself and you realize no one should’ve looked at her that way, but is there anyone to blame? Should anyone be blamed for people going nuts?
5. If you’re the queasy-easily-hate-sticky-floors-type, you shouldn’t go to ordinary malls. Darlings like you should keep yourself to the high-end establishments where shoes and stilettos treading their floors never walk on grimy cobbled sidewalks.
6. You shouldn’t go to the mall if you are this person who is Gagay-in-the-flesh-the brownout princess, they call her, when the entire mall had to put up with a major power interruption while she was simply having lunch with a friend. (HemHem!) She does that even in Cavite, go ask her relatives, where this person is, power failure follows.
7. You wouldn’t like to go to the mall when the mall leaves you walking with memories of friends minus the friends themselves, who are, at this point, busying themselves with work, med school, and who seem to be practically living in their own cosmos, very far away from your own.

Even then, with their accessibility—malls abound in every major city—SM and Robinson’s even put up adjacent stores—and the simple pleasure of window shopping, being with friends, or bumping into old friends, some people cannot simply do without the mall.